Xbox 360 Premium has HDMI and supports 1080p. The Elite's only advantage is storage (or color if you prefer black, but modding your 360 with a case and replacing the faulty clamps that give the console RRoD still comes out cheaper). You can buy a WiFi add-on for the 360 if you really need to or relocate your router/modem to another room.
The More You Know: Running an extended ethernet cable to your 360 is cheaper, provides more bandwidth, and is more stable and less troublesome than WiFi.
Everything else in your post is just you bawwing because you want DLC. A short time from now, you're going to look back and slap yourself for making these pointless, time-consuming rants.