Just wanted to say a few things

[Piggus]

Hey guys. There has been a lot on my mind lately and a lot going on in my life so I thought I would come on here and say a few things. Most of you don't really know about the troubles I've been facing in my daily life, but I'll just say that they're taking a pretty big toll on me and the future I once dreamed of. I'm not going to lie. Several times this year I've come close to ending my own life because I felt the pain would never go away despite my every attempt to make things right again. Not just for me, but for everyone involved in whatever the situation might be. That is definitely not who I am. The only thing truly stopping me was being reminded of how others feel about me. My friends. My family. My loved ones. I'm not the kind of person who can sit back and watch people suffer. Especially when it's I who caused it. It doesn't really matter what they've done to (or for) me in the past. If someone is in pain for whatever reason, no matter what it is, I try my hardest to help them and make them feel a little better. In fact, I don't just stop there. I try my hardest to make all of the special people in my life feel just a little happier. I try to make them feel like they're worth something when others neglect their feelings because EVERYONE is worth something. Everyone has some happiness in them that's worth trying to bring out. I get more satisfaction from putting a smile on someone's face than I do anything else in the world. And I really mean that... Knowing you've made a positive impact on someone's life is the greatest feeling in the world, even if it's something as little as telling them a funny story or giving some advice on how they can improve a part of their life. Or even just giving them a little motivation to keep moving forward and to keep fighting for the things they love and are passionate about. I try to focus on the good in people, not the bad. And there's good in every single one of you. Be it wanting to save or improve lives (hi Cody and Laura), or pushing against the struggles of being part of a minority (hi Rob, Casey, Josh, and Neil ;p). Everyone has something amazing to show you if you'll let them. Everyone has something unique to give to the world.

Let me just express how grateful I am to be part of such an amazing community of people. You guys aren't just acquaintances, you're my friends. Some of you are even like family. And over the past few years we've all shared some really amazing things together. I know a lot of people get picked on, but when someone is truly in need of some help, this community comes together and demonstrates a level of kindness that's pretty hard to find these days. Just remember... We all have problems. Some more than others. And while most of us can't fix our friend's and our family's problems, we can certainly be there for support. We can certainly be there to help them lead a more enjoyable life. And I promise, if you can do that, you'll enjoy and appreciate life just a little more too.

[Cutts]

A brilliant post, and a great representation of what this community really boils down to. This IS a great community, even if others may think it is not. Love you Piggus. <3

[EMT]

Hey man, You're a good guy dude. Got a good head on your shoulders. Remember when I first came here? PEOPLE HATED ME MAN!!!! I got flamed all the time, and I deserved it. I was a dick. I soon realised... I had to change. I changed from bad to good. I was in a world of trouble, now look at me man! Im on the streets doing cpr and fricken sticking tubes down people throats to save their life! Its hard dude but change is what made me a better person. You're a good guy Austin. We are all here for ya man. I am always here dude :D Whether you need me or not. I am here brotha :) yur like a bro to me dude.

Take care man. :)

[Patrucci]

An amazing post, I really respect you now, more then I did before.

[behzad_sol]

Faggus, my man, you're a good dude and I believe this... we all love you <3

[.:Mouldy Punk:.]

Aww, what's with all the soppy posts lately guys? Y'all ghey or summat?! :P

But I jest. Piggus, I hardly ever speak to you, but you're still one of the few "veterans" who I actually like. A lot of people here start cool, then they turn to pricks. A lot of people start as pricks, and turn cool. A few people start as pricks and stay as pricks. A few people are as good as you and stay cool throughout and you have my utmost respect for that Piggapotamus.

If you ever want to chat about anything buddy, shoot me a PM or lemme know what your MSN is and I'll add you - on the account I actually use :O

[Patrucci]

Yeah, there has been a lot of "soppy" posts lately, I believe it started with Ziddy's "Something I should have been honest with years ago... " thread, people have become more open over the past 3 weeks. It's good though, hearing other peoples story's and thoughts, it adds a lot of character, makes you realize that the others are like you and that you can trust them.

[Kodo]

Piggus thanks for sharing that. When you first started writing I didn't know what it would be, but toward the end I could really feel the emotion in the words. You're right about everyone having something special about them. And you're right about how awesome this community is. It has really changed over the years!

[Piggus]

Thanks guys. :)

And the same goes for all of you. If you ever need to talk about something or get something off your chest, I'm here for that. Some of you already do this, and it's my pleasure to be of a little help.

[timbob]

You're cool dude, one of the first people on here that I spoke to that I could tell generally gave a shit about things. It is such a strange thing how we are all so far apart physically at times yet we're all quite open and honest with each other which is awesome! A rare thing for people our ages I think.

Anyway, sorry to hear that things get to you at times dude but its good that you do have people to support you around you. Glad you can see the good in the world :)

[DiscoBombs]

It is a fascinating coincidence the number of people I am acquainted with that are having major troubles in their lives. It also seems that on the whole, tragedy and misery are increasing worldwide (as are hostilities), but so too are hope and good will. For almost 4 years I have contemplated the world and the troubles in it, including my own. I have contemplated ending things on more than one occasion but have obviously never gone through with it.

The 3 biggest tragedies locally were as follows:

Me and my closest friend's relationship ending abruptly due to an intense air of awkward feelings caused by my love for her, and her inability to handle it during a period of sexual confusion. There were mixed signals, lies, and in the end a feeling of absolute heartbreak for me. However, 7 weeks after the friendship ended, on May the 7th I bumped into her at Sheetz (local gas station chain) and we started talking and rekindled the friendship. However I do have strong lingering feelings for her that I fear will not pass soon.

An old friend of mine by the name of Scott Garlick worked at a Subway sandwich shop only a few miles from here. One day a man banged on the back door yelling to be let in. Scott, evidently wondering what this was, opened the door. He took 3 shots from a .45 automatic, including a shot to the neck that turned to be the cause of his death not even one half hour later. The most sickening this that the criminal said to Scott's face, "Sorry, I didn't want to have to do that." Also he shot a female employee in the hip and, with a gun to the head of another employee, told the cashier to empty the register. He also had shot an old man in the head who was simply checking his mail roughly 20 minutes prior. Scott was 19 years old.

4 days after me and Lacey rekindled our friendship, on the 11th, her girlfriend Megan committed suicide in the basement of her home. Lacey was absolutely crushed by this, and Megan's mother proceeded to blame her entirely, even going so far as to not allow her to attend Megan's public viewing. Me and Megan were very good friends and I also took this very hard, and coincidence of the number 11 in this case is staggering. Megan's 17th birthday was exactly 1 month after her death, on June 11th. May is the 5th month, June the 6th. 5 + 6 = 11. It occurred 4 days after me and Lacey restarted our friendship on the 7th. 7 + 4 = 11. This only added to the number of coincidences I have identified and experienced in my life, and as Lacey commented to me a week or so ago, she experiences an equally large number of coincidences.

With graduation looming, I have only 1 summer left before me and all my friends for the most part, part ways. Granted we will always be able to keep in touch and get together, but all together I find it all very depressing. Lacey is probably moving to Colorado at the end of the summer, and all my remaining friends will be busy with both college and jobs, and it feels as though more than half of my friendships are on the verge of just ending.

Just thought I'd share too.

[Piggus]

I had similar feelings nearing the end of highschool. But in the end, things weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My closest friends from highschool are still my closest friends, but I met a lot of really awesome people my first year of college as well. And when you do see your old friends, you'll appreciate your time with them that much more and be reminded why they're your friends in the first place. :)

I can only really see my old friends during part of the holidays, but they're still my best friends because I know they'll always be there for me in some way shape or form. Even if it's not in person. Really looking forward to mid-June when I can go home and see some of them again.

[Lauwee]

If someone is in pain for whatever reason, no matter what it is, I try my hardest to help them and make them feel a little better. In fact, I don't just stop there. I try my hardest to make all of the special people in my life feel just a little happier. I try to make them feel like they're worth something when others neglect their feelings because EVERYONE is worth something. Everyone has some happiness in them that's worth trying to bring out. I get more satisfaction from putting a smile on someone's face than I do anything else in the world. And I really mean that... Knowing you've made a positive impact on someone's life is the greatest feeling in the world, even if it's something as little as telling them a funny story or giving some advice on how they can improve a part of their life. Or even just giving them a little motivation to keep moving forward and to keep fighting for the things they love and are passionate about. I try to focus on the good in people, not the bad.
Couldn't have said it better myself. <3

[Zidane]

Sorry I didn't see this post earlier... now I feel bad. You're definitely more intuitive than most people; like Kodo said, it's apparent by your words. Whatever happens, we're here for you man! This basically is one e-family, but imagine if we all met? Would it be creepy-awkward? Or would we get right to hanging out? =P

Anyways, PM sent <3

[Legham]

I also think its awesome that everyone here is so open. I've never seen another forum even close to something like this.

[Holster]

Great post, Piggus. <3 Really interesting reading people's stories/thoughts/events about their lives and what goes on, I love this forum how people are open and comfortable about talking about stuff it's great. I'd love to meet people off these forums, would be awesome cos you're all decent people. :D Take care guys, anyone wanna talk just PM me or talk to me on MSN/PS3. :)

And DiscoBombs, that's awful man <3 :(

[Piggus]

Small bump. :3

This is going to sound a bit confusing to some of you but I might as well get it out. It's pretty much just a stream of thoughts. I've been thinking a lot lately about how other people see me and my actions and why I do the things I do.

I think one of the hardest things to convey to people is why we do some of the things we do and why we say some of the things we say. Especially in situations people are unfamiliar with. I'm sure many of you know about a situation I've been in recently. Everyone seems to have the same opinion about it and the same suggestions for me as if the solution is always the same. The problem is, these people are not me... They don't know exactly how I'm feeling. They don't know exactly how I feel about the people in my life who have made a positive difference. I'm the kind of person who doesn't let the mistakes I've made in the past hold me back from my dreams. And when a problem faces me, I don't give up so easily. I try to think outside the box in order to accomplish what I set out to achieve. And for the people who do know what I've been dealing with, all I can really say to you is that what I'm fighting for is a dream I've had for a very long time. Not just for the past nine months or so, but for perhaps the last ten years of my life. It's something so important to me (for reasons only I understand) that I'm unwilling to just let it all go. A missed opportunity is one of the worst things in life, in my opinion. I have an opportunity to do something truly special and to prove to many people exactly who I am as a person and how much I care about the people I love. I don't think anyone would want to pass that up. I have an opportunity to accomplish something most will only ever dream of and to prove everyone who ever doubted me wrong. I have an opportunity to prove to them that there isn't always a common answer to a given situation. That sometimes, putting your entire heart into something you love takes more guts and dedication than simply setting it free.

I tend to get caught up in things in which I'm way over my head. People often see me fighting for a dream that will never come true. And in all honesty, it probably won't. It's like the kid you hear about who lost a leg but always had dreams of becoming a professional athlete. Perhaps they'd be better suited for something else. And in most cases, a tragic event like that really does stop them from accomplishing what they want. However, every once in a while you hear about the kid who kept dreaming and fighting and who always remained passionate about what he wanted to do someday. And after years of struggle, he finally crosses the finish line in first place.

That's the person I want to be. I want to be the person who kept fighting for my dreams until something magical came out of it. I want to be the person who displayed so much dedication and courage that others can look back at my story and be motivated to never give up on the things they care about. It may be hard to get your feelings across sometimes and to get people to understand you, but all you can really do is try your hardest and hope things come together in the end. You can't live your life on someone else' terms and you can't let the opinions of others stop you from being the person you want to be. Anybody can lose something or someone they love. It takes real strength to to let it all go and move on with life. But it takes even more (and a little bit of intuition) to get some of it back.

[Slim Trashman]

Is this the same note you put up on Facebook? Looks about the same, but I'm confused where it was coming from :P

[Piggus]

Yeah I put it on FB too. I wrote it on here and just copied it. But I wanted to share some thoughts with a few irl friends too. :)