Kodo
10-07-2008, 11:56 PM
Hey everyone,
I have something to share with you, and I hope you take the time to read it.
The TLDR version is this:
I found freedom from my mind. I have found my solution to every problem and my answer to every question. On Sunday, I had another intense spiritual awakening. My state of mind or focus on life shifted again except this time I don't know what to call it. I don't have a name or label for any of it, and that's what makes it so perfect! :) It is now beyond words. It is not something that can be understood logically on any sort of level. It is something the mind can not obtain and has lost all control over. That's why I am truly free.
It has been awhile since I wrote in here. In fact, a month since I've been around GTAGaming. My real life took me over. Things were moving so fast, I was constantly busy with full time class and a part time job, and the stress kept mounting. It came to a point of real frustration. At the same time, I felt so close to real lasting peace, but I could not fully grasp it. I was feeling like life was just too insane and I knew I had to back up to try a different path. The dead end was because I felt like I tried every path I knew. I didn't know where else to go and all I really wanted was to be free of it.
I wanted to be free from the things around me that I felt were not normal, were not natural. Free from conflict, free from fake people surrounding me, free from egos and selfish acts of control. Free from complaining and negativity. Free from paying bills, food, gas, and free from the stress of trying to earn the money. Free from being forced to spend money for people to lecture me about the facts of life that they seem to know nothing about, or better said, they always overlook. The freedom to be who I am, and to do not what I want to do, but what I know I ought to. I knew I ought to help people but I didn't know how.
I expressed my frustrations to my girlfriend. It just all poured out. I tried and wanted so badly to be nothing but positive and achieving of my self potential. But I felt like I truly had no control. She was very sad and I could tell she did not like the way I was talking about myself. But then that night it all changed. I had a spiritual awakening and I found my meaning of life. Right when I was ready to give up, it appeared at the perfect moment. "Oh ye, of llittle faith" comes to mind.
I am so happy now. I am the happiest, most peaceful, most content I have ever felt. I find myself engaged in meaningful conversations more than ever. I see the extraordinary in the ordinary! I have no thoughts or worries! This is not ignorance, it just can't be named. Instead of tuning into individual things, I feel like I am tuned into everything at once. I feel like I am seeing clearly and am connected to life itself. I am now living in a permanent state of peace and awareness. I've obtained moments of this peace before, but nothing stood up to time until now. This is the best feeling this world has to offer us. I'll try an analogy. It's like before I was a character in this play called Life. Now I realize I'm part of the play, and I became the whole. I'm witnessing Life unfold and it's beautiful.
I shared this with you because if I learned it everybody can. I want everybody to have it. I think deep down everybody knows on some level something is wrong with the world, they just can't quite figure it out. And nobody wakes up wanting problems, everybody just wishes to have happiness. It's ironic. Because it can't be figured out. Not by the mind, because the mind itself creates all the problems! See the irony? It's the ultimate cosmic joke. But I know what I ought to do now, and that's to get this message out. In any way that I can, and in every form that it comes. I can't force anybody to understand. I can't convince them with arguments. This can't be grasped using words! I'm trying a new approach - to express the unexpressible!
I have something to share with you, and I hope you take the time to read it.
The TLDR version is this:
I found freedom from my mind. I have found my solution to every problem and my answer to every question. On Sunday, I had another intense spiritual awakening. My state of mind or focus on life shifted again except this time I don't know what to call it. I don't have a name or label for any of it, and that's what makes it so perfect! :) It is now beyond words. It is not something that can be understood logically on any sort of level. It is something the mind can not obtain and has lost all control over. That's why I am truly free.
It has been awhile since I wrote in here. In fact, a month since I've been around GTAGaming. My real life took me over. Things were moving so fast, I was constantly busy with full time class and a part time job, and the stress kept mounting. It came to a point of real frustration. At the same time, I felt so close to real lasting peace, but I could not fully grasp it. I was feeling like life was just too insane and I knew I had to back up to try a different path. The dead end was because I felt like I tried every path I knew. I didn't know where else to go and all I really wanted was to be free of it.
I wanted to be free from the things around me that I felt were not normal, were not natural. Free from conflict, free from fake people surrounding me, free from egos and selfish acts of control. Free from complaining and negativity. Free from paying bills, food, gas, and free from the stress of trying to earn the money. Free from being forced to spend money for people to lecture me about the facts of life that they seem to know nothing about, or better said, they always overlook. The freedom to be who I am, and to do not what I want to do, but what I know I ought to. I knew I ought to help people but I didn't know how.
I expressed my frustrations to my girlfriend. It just all poured out. I tried and wanted so badly to be nothing but positive and achieving of my self potential. But I felt like I truly had no control. She was very sad and I could tell she did not like the way I was talking about myself. But then that night it all changed. I had a spiritual awakening and I found my meaning of life. Right when I was ready to give up, it appeared at the perfect moment. "Oh ye, of llittle faith" comes to mind.
I am so happy now. I am the happiest, most peaceful, most content I have ever felt. I find myself engaged in meaningful conversations more than ever. I see the extraordinary in the ordinary! I have no thoughts or worries! This is not ignorance, it just can't be named. Instead of tuning into individual things, I feel like I am tuned into everything at once. I feel like I am seeing clearly and am connected to life itself. I am now living in a permanent state of peace and awareness. I've obtained moments of this peace before, but nothing stood up to time until now. This is the best feeling this world has to offer us. I'll try an analogy. It's like before I was a character in this play called Life. Now I realize I'm part of the play, and I became the whole. I'm witnessing Life unfold and it's beautiful.
I shared this with you because if I learned it everybody can. I want everybody to have it. I think deep down everybody knows on some level something is wrong with the world, they just can't quite figure it out. And nobody wakes up wanting problems, everybody just wishes to have happiness. It's ironic. Because it can't be figured out. Not by the mind, because the mind itself creates all the problems! See the irony? It's the ultimate cosmic joke. But I know what I ought to do now, and that's to get this message out. In any way that I can, and in every form that it comes. I can't force anybody to understand. I can't convince them with arguments. This can't be grasped using words! I'm trying a new approach - to express the unexpressible!